Bromance & Job Loss: Dan Abrams & David Zinczenko

I’m sorry to report that Dan Abrams is losing his job on MSNBC. Although I love Rachel Maddow — and I consider myself to be MaddowsexualAbrams was a decent enough host and brought a wonderful, Gen X indifference towards the news cycle.

Dan has a legendary bromance with Dave Zinczenko, editor of Men’s Health — and in the interest of full disclosure, I’m a fan of rock hard abs. I can only imagine that the job loss will free up more time for Dan Abrams to spend more time in the Hamptons with his BFF Dave — and they can work on their gluts, their triceps, and their obliques.

I’m totes jealous. I lost my job, and I want a bromance and a house in the Hamptons.

Robert Downey Jr: Punk Rock HR Hero

I just read a quote from Robert Downey Jr where he said, “You know, you’re never too old to burn your bridges because I believe I have offended everyone… I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it is my favorite phrase I’ve ever coined.”

I’ve never loved you more, Robert Downey Jr, than when you’re eating Burger King and sticking it to the man. This brilliant advice is appropriate for HR, Corporate America, and life in general. I’m using it.

I’ll burn that bridge when I come to it.

It’s almost as good as the f@$% it, we’ll do it live mantra that I’ve incorporated into my life.

*

Robert Downey Jr — ur my Punk Rock HR hero.

Graph Jam: I’m Published

I was never good at math or Excel, but I am good at wasting time on the internet. I thought I would give this a whirl.

song chart memes
more song chart memes

GraphJam is an official Punk Rock Human Resources time killer. I endorse it and approve its use during boring teleconferences. Go there NOW (& vote for me).

Today’s Worst Job In The World: Waitress

Whenever I start to get bummed about working in Corporate Human Resources, I realize that my life could be worse. I could be exposed to skeevy people with poor hygiene and naughty kids. In other words, I could be a waitress server restaurant worker. (What’s the right term, anyway?)

My friend, Sarah, is a member of a Facebook group called SERVERS ARE PEOPLE, TOO. The group’s main page has some information about how you should treat your waiter or waitress. Some highlights:

  • If you have children, DO NOT let them open and dump anything on the table (i.e., salt, sugar, etc.). IF YOU DO, you must leave an extra $5 for the server to clean up YOUR CHILD’S mess & to restock the now unusable and wasted items. The least you can do is pay us for the extra work.
  • If you feel the necessity to stay for longer than 15 minutes after you pay, its an extra $3 every 30 minutes. We make our money from the tables. If you are in one and we can’t seat it, we don’t make money.
  • Telling a server they are the best server they’ve ever had is NOT a tip. If we are good, let us know by leaving us more money. We cant pay our bills on compliments. Its not that we don’t appreciate the praise, its just that if you say that and then leave a shitty tip it’s an insult.
  • Prayer cards and any other religious pamphlets are NOT tips. Jesus doesn’t pay the bills!!

It goes on & on & on like this, which leads me to a simple conclusion: being a waiter or a waitress totally sucks and is today’s worst job in the world.

Well, it’s worse than Corporate Human Resources — and that says something.

Recruitfest: I’m In!

I’m attending Recruitfest, organized by Jason Davis, and I am excited to spend 36 hours with recruiting professionals who are passionate, innovative, and effing cool. Maybe some of their entrepreneurial skills will rub off on me, yo.

The speakers at the conference sound great, but I’m more interested in the social aspects. Drinking. Eating. Getting to know recruiters whom I only know through Twitter. How awesome is that?! There’s a poker tournament, too; however, I’m a risk-adverse Corporate HR Generalist (who was a former Corporate Recruiter) and I have never played poker. Maybe I can find a poker mentor at the conference who can teach me about a nut flush?

[Insert dirty joke here.]

Jason wrote about drumming circle, too, and I’m willing to try anything once; however, a drum circle sounds a little like a HR-hippie-team-building-event to me. Anyone ever do a drum circle? What’s it like? Is there crunchy granola involved? How about hemp bracelets? (I want to be clear: if someone breaks out a hackey sack or starts talking about the last Dave Matthews concert he attended, I’m outta there.)

Seriously, I think this conference will be fun and informative. Now who’s with me? Anyone attending Recruitfest?!

Monday Afternoon HR Humor: Yearbook Photos

I’m still moody, so here’s another post to make Monday a little better.

I like any website where you can manipulate your face. It makes me think about manipulating pictures on ID badges.

Now go waste the company’s time and make yearbook photos, yo!

[h/t to Lani Anglin-Rosales]

Updated: Bryan asked for 70s Laurie — but I’m hesitant to post it because look like John McCain, m’friends. Here you go!

Laurie, 1974

Laurie, 1974

Monday Morning HR Humor: Henrí

The husband and kitteh #3 (Molly, his other wife) are moving to our new home, today. I will stay behind with four other other kittehs, including Mr. Scrubby, until we sell our home in Michigan.

The husband told me that I’m not allowed to worry the Michigan house (& the lack of a sale) until December 1st. Nevertheless, I’m feeling a little blue about all this relocation stuff, so I give you Henrí.

His thumbs are not opposable, yet he opposes everything. Who can’t feel that on a Monday, yo?

HR, Work & Saddleback Faith Forum

I watched John McCain and Barack Obama speak to Pastor Rick Warren on Saturday night. It was an interesting forum on faith and values, but the concept of work keeps rearing its head into the Presidential campaign.

Barack Obama went first. Here are some highlights related to work & employment:

  • Barack Obama talked about work being an important and central piece of welfare reform, something that most Democrats didn’t necessarily recognize when Bill Clinton signed welfare reform legislation waaaaaaay back in 1996.
  • Obama said that that there’s an intrinsic dignity in work — and work is important for the human condition. Work gives us a sense of purpose. Rick Warren agreed and said, “We were made for work.”
  • Obama talked about the importance of work — and how Americans have a responsibility to make a contribution, however small, to our country.
  • Obama recognized the importance of faith-based initiatives and would preserve the right of private organizations to hire whomever they want; however, when it comes to the programs that are federally funded, we must be careful not to create a situation where people are discriminated against. He recognized that there are some tough issues, but those issues are small and narrow. He wants to operate on a general principle of empowering faith-based organizations to fill the void where government & corporations can’t service the public.
  • Obama believes in performance pay for teachers and he said, “I want to reward excellence.”

John McCain went second and here are his thought on work & employment:

  • McCain said he would rely upon Meg Whitman to provide economic advice in a McCain administration.
  • McCain supports merit-based pay for teachers and said, “Find bad teachers another line of work.” He believes in choice and competition.
  • McCain wants everyone to get rich. He wants to keep taxes low and thinks the rich make $5MM and more. (He said, “I’m sure that comment will be distorted.”)
  • In a response to a question about the right-to-privacy versus national security, McCain mentioned The Employee Free Choice Act (without mentioning its name) and reinforced his support for a private, secret ballot for union votes. [He said that the EFCA is a whole other subject but he wanted to mention it. (Noted.)]

I’m an atheist and a feminist who studied comparative theology as part of my undergraduate degree; I am a political junkie and a political geek; and I blog about work and workforce issues. The forum was awesome, yo. Big props to Rick Warren — not a bad guy for being a big-money Christian pastor — for using his political leverage to host this discussion.

for @jeremya >> your new avatar.  you deserve this. on TwitPic

Baby Shower Update: Success

The Boss of One had a great baby shower because I ran the whole thing like a team-building event. I hate to admit it, but some of my Corporate HR skills came in handy, yo.

Pictures are forthcoming. I’m beat.

Pregnancy, Baby Showers, and HR

I am hosting a baby shower for Boss of One (Jen) on Saturday afternoon. I’m a little conflicted about the party because, if I’m being totally honest, this pregnancy has cramped our style.

What the hell? I tried to tell Jen that tequila is good for the fetus, but she doesn’t believe me.

I’ve grown increasingly irritated with the mythology of pregnancy, childbirth & womanhood over the past 7.5 months. When most people talk to Jen, they don’t ask about her job. They don’t want to know about her political beliefs or her views on universal health care. She is asked:

  • When are you due?
  • Was this baby planned?
  • What’s the gender?
  • Are you having an epidural?

For reals? Jen is a woman with personal goals, dreams, and big ideas. Ask her about the local food movement. Ask her about organic gardening & farming. Jen can change the world and change diapers. She doesn’t have to choose.

I am also irritated with the multitude of advice given to women regarding pregnancy & childbirth. Whether you ask for it or not, you’ll be told

  • you should do THIS.
  • you should do THAT.
  • you’ll kill the baby if you DON’T DO THIS VERY IMPORTANT THING.

How the hell did women ever have children before fetal monitors, ultrasounds, and sonograms?

I’ve learned that there comes a point in a pregnancy where there is too much advice from friends, family members & experts. Everything begins to contradict itself; nothing adds up, and you are forced to rely upon your instincts and common sense to understand your current situation.

In that sense, pregnancy reminds me of Corporate Human Resources.

  • Everyone has an opinion on how you should operate.
  • Your general state of being gives you heartburn & anxiety.
  • You are constantly told — WHAT YOU ARE DOING IS THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IN THE WORLD, AND BECAUSE IT IS SO IMPORTANT, I AM GOING TO MICROMANAGE THE WAY YOU DO IT.
  • Martyrdom for a ‘bigger cause’ is required.

I know that Jen is looking forward to having this baby, and she is strong enough & smart enough to sort through all this bullshit (including my cynicism) and choose a path that’s right for her. I am so glad that she’s having this baby (& not me). I don’t suffer fools gladly, and it wouldn’t take more than one stranger rubbing my tummeh before I punched someone in the face.

Really, I go back to one of my original question:

  • How could tequila do anything but improve pregnancy?

I still don’t get it. Probably a good thing that I just have cats.

funny pictures
more cat pictures

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Laurie Ruettimann: Who Cares?


Laurie Ruettimann is a punk rock, Human Resources professional with extensive Fortune 500 experience. She writes about business trends, employment, Corporate America, and permanently opting-out of the rat race.

She also believes you should spay & neuter your pets.

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